i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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