Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
