do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
