I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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