don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I want is dick and wine.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
