Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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