Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
