"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
