Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
