My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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