I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
