His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
