i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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