dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
