yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
