We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize