last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
