As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
