i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
