I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
