seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
