i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
