dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
