You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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