i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize