No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
