just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
