I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
