yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
