shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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