I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
