those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
