you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
