Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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