Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I've blown a few things in my day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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