I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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