Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
