you didnt know i had herpes?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
