Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
