Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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