you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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