just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
