i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
