dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
