Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
