Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
