Your face is a jimmy john
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
