okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
