Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
