I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
