This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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