What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
