oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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