Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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