at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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