Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
