is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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