Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
