don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize