I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
