you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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