Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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