He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
