why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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