i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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