do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
