so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize