I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
