if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
