if i can run in heels then i can drive
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My pussy is not your playground.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
