my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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