Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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