He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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