Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize