I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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