The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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