At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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