i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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