bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
