yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize