So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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