Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fill condoms, not promises.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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