Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
