So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
